Decisions

Here's a decision I have to make: work for someone else or go out on my own.

I have this opportunity to work for a local small business, tutoring students in writing, English, homework help etc. etc. With this opportunity comes the prospect of creating and facilitating writing workshops for the same students (and more) over the summer.

The pros: It's an established business with notoriety. It has steady clients. I won't have to worry about the whole issue of starting my own business yet. And the money's not so bad, either.

The cons: If I work for this company, the owner believes it will be a conflict of interest to run my own writing workshops out of my home. This is what I had been planning to do as I complete my master's degree.

So, what do I do? Taking the job right now is easy money - now - without having to lay anything out, plan or create anything or worry about advertising/marketing, etc. But then again, I'd be working for someone else again, when my whole plan is to do it on my own. I guess I could always start this job, get experience, make contacts and make a little more money for now. Then there's no stopping me going out on my own later. Ugh. Decisions, decisions!

Any advice? Comments? Help???

Inauguration Day

As I've said before, I do not want to make this blog political. I stand solid on the foundation that everyone has a right to believe what they choose - politically, religiously, ethically, etc. And I do not want to force my opinions on anyone as I do not want others to force their opinions on me. But I feel I cannot let this day go by without marking its significance in writing.

Today just feels like the start of something new. Change is occurring. History is being made. And I could not be more excited for what's to come. I hope, beyond hope, that our new president and his administration will begin to make positive changes for our country.

This remarkable event brings the hope of peace, of people coming together to work together, and to create change. My wish is that this feeling of community, of peace, of equality, of positive change, will continue into tomorrow and beyond.

If I could do anything.....

I am reading this book right now, Book Yourself Solid by Michael Port. It is for a self-designed graduate class called The Writing Life. The idea is to research, plan and develop my own writing business by the end of the course. The book is helping me figure out how to get the clients I want to do the work I want. It is helping me to dig deep and really look into what I want to do with my life. And so I've been thinking....if I could do anything I wanted, if I could have any job I wanted, here's what I would want to do:

I want to create, develop, and run a women's retreat center - specifically for writing retreats. I want land where women can roam and hike and sit under a tree with a book. I want rooms for exercise, yoga, meditation, reading and writing. I want to serve good and healthy food and have gathering places for sipping coffee or wine, talking, laughing and sharing. I want women to come together to write, to share our stories, to support and inspire each other. I want to teach women to use writing as a tool for positive transformation and growth.

This is what I want - and it is what I have been working toward all these years of schooling and research and reading and writing. (In case any of you were wondering!) But I am not there yet. And I am wondering if I ever will be there. It is a big dream - and it would take a lot to make that dream come true. But I am working at it. I am chipping away little by little. I'm trying.

25 Random Things....

This is from Facebook. Once again, thanks Christy!

1. I was a tomboy as a kid
2. And I used to love wearing band-aids
3. My brother & I used to jump in and out of my mother's station wagon windows playing Dukes of Hazard (Yeeeee-Haaaaa!)
4. I was a Brownie, then a Girl Scout
5. I broke my wrist in 10th grade gym class, running backwards
6. I had to wear the cast for 10 months - and should have worn it longer but the insurance ran out and I had to get the cast taken off...my wrist has never been the same since.
7. I played softball until this broken wrist incident. I was a pitcher and the team "slugger"
8. I once hit two grand slams in one game!
9. I played the flute in band from 4th grade til 8th grade. Then band became "un-cool"
10. I was a vegetarian for 8 years
11. Then my first "meat" again was Tyson Chicken Tenders (thanks Kendra!)
12. I think this is really hard to come up with 25 things on the spur of the moment that others will find interesting about me
13. But, hey, I'm trying
14. Oh yeah, my favorite numbers have always been 2 and 13 - both because they were my numbers in softball
15. Also because a boy I liked in 6th grade lived at 213 Bay Avenue
16. I like butter pecan ice cream but haven't had it in years
17. I once studied Wicca
18. I've attended 5 colleges (grad school included)
19. One was a Buddhist college in Boulder, Colorado
20. I've never been out of the country
21. But I've driven all over the US.
22. I want to be a writer
23. But I'm scared to tell the truth
24. Sometimes I wonder how I ended up where I am
25. But I look back and see the path that brought me here

I'm Gonna Get in Trouble for This!

So, my friend, Christy posted on her blog, the idea to look at the sixth picture in the sixth folder of your picture files on your computer, then blog about that photo. So here's this photo. And I'm going to get in trouble for it because this is me and Ron and Ron HATES this photo. Every time he sees it he covers his eyes because he hates the way he looks in it. Ok, so nobody's perfect, but since we only have about three pictures of us together, he's gonna have to deal with it!

This photos was taken on New Year's Eve (last year - 2007/08) at our friends' Scott and Gina's wedding in Indianapolis. What a fun way to spend New Year's Eve! Our friends were all together in one place. We got all dressed up. The food and booze were free. And we stayed in this cute little historic (and they say, haunted) inn. It was a night to remember! And I'm happy to have this memento of the occasion - even if Ron says it looks like I am posing in this picture with my fat, old grandfather!

Comments, Please!

Please feel free to comment. I welcome your thoughts on any topic. It's nice to know someone out there is reading my words.

Settling

How do you know if/when you are settling? And what is settling, really? Is it contentment? Happiness? Laziness? Fear? Is it the inability to look for, reach for, try for, more? Is it giving up and giving in? Is it OK to settle? Or is it a negative thing? And how do you really know if you are settling or just living your life?

I know of times that I have settled - or things I have settled for. I've settled for jobs in childcare because I was too afraid to pursue my true passion of writing. I've settled for places to live because of someone or something that brought me there. I've settled for relationships because I often thought I couldn't do any better. I've settled for certain lifestyles because "everyone else is doing it," or I couldn't afford anything different, or perhaps was afraid, or tired, or was just not inspired to search for more. I've settled for being treated certain ways. I've settled for being someone I really wasn't inside. I've settled for what was given to me.....because that's all I could do.

All this talk about settling and I am the one who tells everyone to go out and live their dreams. I am the one who has taken off - ventured out on my own - just because. I am the one who acts as if all of my dreams can come true if only I take action. Well, I am beginning to think that's all a fantasy.

Maybe we do settle for things because we don't think we deserve better, or we're tired, or afraid, or perhaps just don't know what else is "out there." But perhaps we also settle because we are comfortable, content, happy in the moment and in need of nothing more.

If what I am looking for is happiness in the moment - there is no need to continue the search. There is no need to keep wondering what if, what next, what else? There is only a need to appreciate and enjoy what I have NOW. And take my life moment by moment, day by day. Why am I always looking to the future and thinking - then I'll be happy - when happiness awaits me right here in the present, in my every day life?

My thoughts on this are that maybe I just need to wake up and experience the present moment. The past is gone - done, over, lived through and survived. The future is yet to be seen. But right now - the people, things, events, images and emotions in my life - are the important things. These are what matter. And I am not settling for them. I am living and loving them.

Inspiration

I just finished the book, Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose. In it she discusses the many ways writers can find inspiration (and advice, information and more) by reading - fiction, nonfiction, poetry and more. She gives specific examples of how writers shape sentences and paragraphs; how writers play with narration and character development; and the intricacies of dialogue, details, and gestures. The book was in inspiration. It made me want to read all the classic novels as well as contemporary literature. It made me want to dive into a book and give myself over to the power of a story. It made me want to look deeper, closer, harder. And it made me want to write - to practice, to play, to create, to craft.

I am grateful for the inspiration. Sometimes I need it to get me going again. I learned much by reading this book, but I also took away this important piece of advice from the author, "Admit that you understand nothing of life, nothing of what you see. Then go out and look at the world (Prose, 248)." There is always something new to learn. And there is always a new perspective from which to view the world.

I Don't Pray

It's the New Year....and it's time to start thinking about what I can do to make the world - and my little circle of it - better, happier, healthier, more peaceful, and more beautiful. So I've been thinking... and here are some of my random thoughts...

I don't pray (in the typical religious sense). But I do other things to better understand myself and the world around me, to get me through tough times, to propel me forward with positivity, and to send good thoughts to others.

I often say simple affirmations to help me feel good about myself, to set intentions for the day and to help me move forward with my day/life.

I think positive thoughts about family and friends that I believe ripple out to them in some way.

I write. And write and write and write.

I daydream. And set intentions to make those dreams come true.

I read my horoscope every day. Reading into the details of the celestial forecast often lifts me up, wakes me up, and advises me on where to go or what to do. It is a little karmic shake-up sometimes, that sets me on a path toward my "destiny." And though that may sound funny or corny or hippy-ish - it works for me. And it helps me achieve my goals and reach my dreams.

I try to stay positive - peaceful - and not let the little things get me down. Yes, things go wrong, they don't go my way, things break, things get lost. They are just things. I say again, they are just things.

And although I am not saying prayers to a Deity, a God/Goddess or some other religious icon - I think these things are prayers in some form. So, no, I don't pray. Not like you might or like you may hope I would. But I believe in the power of prayer - for self and others. And in my small, silly and unique way, I'll say a prayer for you.

This Day in History

On December 11, 1992, in my little hometown of Highlands, New Jersey, a Nor'Easter blew us all away! The tide was something like 9.2 feet above normal. Winds were hurricane force (if I remember correctly). And once again, the river overflowed its banks and roared down the street. We saw lifeguard chairs and picnic tables float by. Cars were submerged in the floodwaters. The power went out. And slowly, the water seeped into the house - up to about (almost) a foot, I believe. We were taken out of the house in a boat. We were misplaced for a few days. Our furniture and many other belongings were ruined. But we still had a house, when we returned a few days later. And we still had our family. Luckily, we viewed this storm as an adventure - not a tragedy. We made it through - as we always did. I am remembering that crazy, stormy, exciting day - today - so many years ago and so many miles away. It seems as if there was nothing we couldn't get through, nothing we couldn't conquer. I only hope I am still that strong.