Whew!

Turkey - and everything else - turned out GREAT! Missed being with my family but was happy to be with Ron and his family.

That Damn Bird!

I am freaking out about cooking the Thanksgiving turkey. This will be my first. Not only am I afraid to screw it up - since I have never done it before - but I am also totally grossed out!

You mean I have to reach my hand inside that thing and pull out a bag full of gook - gizzard, neck and who knows what else? You mean there might still be feathers attached that I have to pluck off before cooking? You mean I have to wash that thing, rubbing my bare hands all over the raw flesh of a giant bird? And I really have to get up before the sun to hoist that thing into the oven?

When it's done - cooked golden brown, steaming and juicy; slathered in gravy and resting comfortably in the company of mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, biscuits and all the other fixings - then I'll enjoy it. But until then, all I can think about is having to deal with that damn bird!

Wish You Were Here

Wish you were here
Where corn fields dominate landscapes
And strangers say hello
Where country roads wind and wander
To places unknown and unfamiliar.

Wish you were here
To help me prepare the turkey
Smelling the hot apple pie
Fresh from the oven
Your recipe, remember?

Wish you were here
As a familiar face
In this sea of strangers
With traditions I do not understand
And connections I will never make

Wish you were here to share this
To see how far I’ve come
And to witness
What I’ve created in this home
Away from home.

Today's Goodness

1. I helped someone who truly needed my guidance and skill. And she was so appreciative! I really feel as if I made a difference.

2. Another day on the elliptical!

3. I know what I am good at and feel confident in my skill.

4. I am so excited about cooking Thanksgiving dinner next week!

Food for the Soul

So far, today has been a good day. I went to my writing class at Women Writing for (a) Change in Cincinnati and that always brightens my spirit and feeds my soul. My writer-friends there are all wonderful, supportive, creative, and special people whom I feel so very honored and privileged to have as a part of my life (if only for a short time). Having the opportunity to hear their stories is always a rich and beautiful experience. And their support and positive reaction to my stories gives me such confidence and pride in myself and my work. I am a better, more creative, more compassionate, and more whole human being from my experiences with these women. They change me with every meeting. They transform me. And I cannot say enough how grateful I am for these women and this experience.

On another note, I am just about to go work out on my new elliptical machine (which I put together myself last night, after lugging the 128 pound thing all over town, into the house and down to the basement!). Can't tell you how happy I am to have exercise equipment at home. So long to those few extra pounds (that I've put on since moving in with Ron)! Hello Skinny Bitch! :)

Writing My Way Out

I'm in a bit of a funk right now. Who knows why. Could be the weather. Could be that I've gained a couple pounds recently. Could be related to my relationship, school, homesickness, or just the overall - not feeling good about anything right now - feeling.

So here's what I'm going to do...I'm going to write my way out of this funk. Starting today, I am going to take notice of things in my life that make me feel good. These could be compliments from others, accomplishments and achievements, doing things for others, something related to the weather or nature, whatever. I'm going to write them down - make a list - of all of this goodness. And hope that this will help me get out of this funk and move on to brighter, better days (and moods).

So, starting today.....

1. I saw my first snowflakes of the season.
2. "Somebody" thinks I am phenomenal.
3. I am getting an elliptical machine delivered (any minute now) and I can't wait to start my workouts.
4. I am kicking ass in the football pool.

Wow...I feel better already.

FEAR

Forget about everyone else, I should just say what I think (feel, need, desire...). But...
Everyone will think I am crazy (or mean, or stupid, or shallow, or ridiculous.....).
All I really want is to be loved (accepted, admired, appreciated, adored......).
Really, is that too much to ask?

Three Skills

You have the power to acquire three new skills (Playing the violin, becoming psychic, running the mile in less than three minutes, etc.). What are they? What effect do they have on your life? (Prompt from the book, Writing Yourself Home by Kimberly Snow)

1. I want to learn to be a runner. I want to be able to lace up my shoes, head out the front door and run – as far as I want, as long as I want, as fast as I want, as often as I want. Running will give me strength and toning. Running will give me energy and keep me fit. If I could become a runner, I could eat what I want (for the most part) and still maintain my weight. If I could become a runner, I could have more energy, more power, more balance and skill. Running would give me confidence (perhaps to even enter a 5K or a mini-marathon or something). Hell, if I can do that, I can do anything!
2. I want to learn to fix things. I want to acquire miss-fix-it skills. I want to be able to fix things around the house, remodel and decorate. I want to be able to tinker with my car when it is acting up, or change a flat tire if I break down. I want to be able to depend on myself alone – not boyfriends, not family, not friends, not handymen – to fix what is broken in my life.
3. I want to learn to dance. I don’t dance. At parties and weddings, in bars and even just alone in the house – I hear the music, I feel the beat, I want to dance – but I am afraid or self-conscious or just lacking the skill. So I sit. I talk with friends. I watch while others are out there dancing the night away. I do slow dance, occasionally, but rarely. But I want to DANCE. I want to get wild out on the dance floor. I want to stop being so shy or self-conscious or afraid – and I want to dance! What am I going to do at my wedding?

Yes We Can!

I don't want to spend time talking politics on this page, but I just can't go without marking this day and this history making election as significant for myself and for America. Obama Wins! Need I say more? It is a beautiful day. There is hope. There will be change. History has been made. And I once again have faith in my country.

I Am Writing

Pen in hand
Blank, white page waiting
I am writing
Memories, dreams, emotions
Shopping lists and what I ate for breakfast
Details from my trip back home
And the ever-present decisions
Words that get me through the day
Affirmations to keep me going
Tearful outpourings
And rage-filled venting
How I got here
Where I’ve been
And what I’ve learned along the way
Plans for tomorrow
Goals yet to achieve
Fantasies of what’s to come
And dreams to fulfill
Observations of the changing seasons
And the changing self
A record of my journey
The story of my life
Evidence that I was here -
Writing.

Missing You

I have been living away from my New Jersey home now for a year and four months. I've lived away before - both times in Colorado - but only as long as eight months. This move, to Indiana, was the big one, I suppose, and this may be where I end up for the rest of my life. Who knows?

I have a life here. I've moved in with Ron. His family has become my family. I have made friends. I have a job, hobbies, favorite places to go. I have settled in. But I am missing the old familiar faces and places, especially now as it looms close to holiday time.

I don't want to go back home right now - I just visited in September and had a great time with family and friends. What I do want is visitors. I want my family and friends to come here. I want to spend time with my sisters and brother and their husbands/wives and children. I want to cook Thanksgiving dinner with my mother. I want to introduce my NJ friends to my IN friends. I want my new home to merge with the old one.

I understand that people have busy lives, money is tight, vacations are difficult to plan (especially with kids), and Indiana is not on everyone's list of top places to visit. But I'm here and I won't be home for Christmas and you've never been to Oldenburg, Indiana and I am missing you.