Love and Gratitude

Lately, it has become very apparent to me how important it is to surround myself with a comforting, supportive and entertaining circle of friends. Or, in many cases, circles of friends. Specifically, women friends.

I have women friends I have known for years, who know all the ups and downs of my life. Even after going weeks, months (or even years) without contact, I know I can call them or write them or meet them for a drink and it's like we've never been apart. We know each other. We care about each other. We connect in a way that never grows old, never gets tired or boring, never wavers. We are forever friends.

I have another circle of friends that I write with. These women know a side of me that many do not. They know the writer in me, the inner me. They are open and honest and supportive. They care about me unconditionally without judgment or criticism, and I feel the same. These women are a part of my life at this time for a reason. I hope we will remain in contact, but perhaps we won't. Either way they have touched my life in a way I cannot describe, as I hope I have done for them as well.

My mother, sisters and sister-in-law all hold special places within these circles. I connect with each on a different level, and each is important to me in their own particular way. Of course we have all had our ups and downs through our lives together (what family doesn't) but we are always, always there for each other. This circle is the most important to me in a fundamental, I-couldn't-do-without-them sort of way. They are my family, my friends, my center.

Another circle of friends is fairly new to me and is pure enjoyment. This circle is the women I have met in my new town. They are the wives and girlfriends of my boyfriend's best friends (does that make sense?). We all gather together often for parties, sporting events, girl's night out, children's birthdays and more. They are the circle that is always there, always around. It has taken me some time to get to know these women, but now that I do, I enjoy them immensely. When we are together it is all laughter and games, fun and good times. It is so nice to have a group of women friends to laugh with!

Then there are the random friends who have all touched my life in their own particular way. There are instructors I have worked with through my master's program that I have connected with through writing and truth-telling. They know things about me that I would share with no one else and each of them has supported me unconditionally. I treasure each of these relationships and hope to continue building upon them. There's the friends I met at my first residency who are trucking through this graduate program along side me. We are following similar paths right now that keep us connected. They are each special to me in their own way. There's the friend I met when I moved to a new town (alone) two years ago who has always been there with an invitation to lunch or a party or a drink at a local restaurant. I hope to remain in contact with her and get to know her better. And there's those random friends who come in and out of my life, each one sharing a part of themselves with me and teaching me something about life and friendship. These women continue to enrich my life and add to my personal story.

Each woman I know holds a special place in my heart. Each one has touched me, taught me, inspired me, and given me joy. As I journey through this life, I continue collecting pieces of these women, saving and savoring the moments and memories. They are my circles of friends, they are my center. Love and gratitude to each one.

Remembering Love

I went to buy a Valentine's card today for the man in my life. What an endeavor! I wanted to buy one that said enough, but not too much; one that was sentimental but not sappy; one that showed my love but didn't splatter it all over in splashes of red and pink; one that was fun but not goofy. It's a tall order, I know. Most of the cards are for husbands and wives, children or that "someone special" (who might that be, exactly?). It was difficult to find a card for my relationship that didn't seem too generic or too much.


I thought about making my own (with markers and glitter and heart stickers) but then I thought that might be cheesy. I thought about just getting a blank card and writing in my own thoughts (I can write better than most of the cards I found), but I couldn't find any. I thought about just forgetting about the whole thing and, perhaps telling my boyfriend how I feel about him in my own words, but I do that anyway. And I even thought about conveniently forgetting that Valentine's Day exists.

But then I remembered that Valentine's Day is not only this commercial holiday created to sell cards and candy and stuffed animals and jewelry. It is really about love. We are so busy or numb or distracted or angry or forgetful or blind or preoccupied or selfish or bored in our daily lives. Sometimes we need a day dedicated specifically to love to help us remember how to share it, how to feel it. So I gave in to the commercialism and I settled on a card. I even went a little crazy with the chocolates and a gift bag (with hearts all over it!) and red tissue paper.

It won't matter tomorrow, when I give my gift, how it looks or what the card says. What will matter is the thought, the action; that I took the time to search for, choose and wrap up (so nicely!) a gift for someone I love. What will matter is that I love him.

Love is Strong

You do it out of love. Willpower is a weak idea; love is strong. ~Annie Dillard

What do you do out of love? What can you not live without? What is it that keeps you going; makes your heart beat fast and your adrenaline rush and your eyes brighten and your face glow? What do you love more than anything else in the world?

For me - it's writing. Journaling, crafting poetry, creating stories, making lists, writing my life - this is what I love. I love the blank page, so full of potential. I love the texture, the weight, the smell, the heft of a writing notebook or journal that is filled with the reflections of my days. I love the flat, white screen on my laptop just waiting for a story or poem, an essay or maybe even a novel. I love writing exercises and techniques, writing process and brainstorming. I love when the creativity burns inside me and I can write for hours without a thought. I love experimenting with styles, forms and genres. I love playing with words and images - making something come alive.

I love writing - everything about it. I write out of love. I write because I cannot live without it. I write because it keeps me going; it makes my heart beat fast and my adrenaline rush and my eyes brighten and my face glow. I write because I love it more than anything else in the world. That love is strong.